Humberto and the Dinosaur

**I wrote this story about a year ago for a friend of mine on MySpace who needed a good laugh.


Once upon a time there was a monkey. He was a cute little tan monkey with sad little eyes like most monkeys have. I guess they have sad eyes because they're thinking of all their little monkey friends who have been captured and now live in zoos. Anyway, the little monkey, who's name was Humberto (did I mention he lived in the Amazon?) was walking through the rainforest one afternoon when he came upon a GIANT dinasaur. The dinosaur ROARED at Humberto! It was loud enough to make Humberto stop in his tracks and pee his pants. (Well, I guess he didn't pee his pants, he's a monkey, they don't wear pants!) Humberto was very scared but suddenly became a brave monkey and started to grab handfuls of rocks and started throwing them at the dinasaur (who's name was Rocco). Rocco was being pelted by the rocks and it was hurting him, one hit him square in the eye and his eye fell out! "Help me! Anyone help me! A mean monkey is throwing stones at me!" He's holding one of his paws over his eye to try and stop the bleeding. Meanwhile, Humberto picks the eyeball up off the ground and pretends that he's playing marbles, flicking it with his finger in the dirt. He soon bores himself with it, blows the dirt off and pops it in his mouth! "Yum! Dinosaur eyeballs are quite tasty", he says, "I wonder where I can get some more?". Humberto leers deviously at Rocco, who is crying and bleeding, picks up another rock and throws the rock up at Rocco and hits him right in the other eye. This time the eyeball doesn't fall out. Little Humberto is so sad. For all he wants is another tasty dinosaur eyeball! Is that too much to ask, he thinks to himself? Suddenly, from out of nowhere flies Mike, Humberto's parrot friend! Mike asks Humberto what's going on and Humberto tells him the story of Rocco and the rocks and the tasty eyeball.

Mike stares at the bloody mess of a crying dinosaur and tells Humberto "Well, if you promise to climb the trees and get me nuts for one year, I will peck out his other eyeball for you." Humberto thinks about this for a moment and replies "That sounds like an awful lot of work for just one eyeball. How about if you collect me eyeballs for one year in return for the nuts?" Mike agrees to this and goes about pecking Rocco's eyeball out. Humberto takes the eyeball out of Mike's hand and pops it in his mouth "YUM!", says Humberto. Then Humberto climbs up the nearest tree and gathers up some Brazil nuts and drops them down to Mike, who gobbles them up. Rocco is sitting on the ground crying and trying to figure out how he is going to get through life now that he is blind. Humberto and Mike listen to Rocco's lamentings and start to feel pangs of guilt. So they lead Rocco to the jungles urgent care clinic where he is examined by the local doctor, a tiger named Abdul. Dr. Abdul tells them all that Rocco can live a long, somewhat normal life, especially if he had the help of a seeing eye monkey. Monkeys make very good guides for the blind, he tells them. Humberto agrees to be Rocco's seeing eye monkey, afterall, it is his fault that Rocco is blind. The three of them-Rocco, Mike and Humberto go off together and live happily ever after. They spend their days eating nuts and playing marbles (but not with eyeballs!).

The End

Now you're probably asking yourself some questions about this story....What is a dinosaur doing in the Amazon? They've been extinct for a few million years. I don't know. How did a tiger become a doctor? And wouldn't he be a veterenarian since he treats animals? I don't know. And why would anyone in their right mind want to eat an eyeball? I mean, they're probably all gloopy and splurt wierd goo in your mouth when you bite into them. Anyway, back to our story....The SCPA and PETA should be happy to know that no actual animals were harmed in the writing of this story. The names and events are fictional, so nothing has been changed to protect the innocent.